Your Timeline Is Your Own: Understanding Sexual Development
Sexual shame about when you first had sex is way more common than you might think. Maybe you’ve felt guilty for starting “too early” or “too late.” Here’s the truth: there’s no universal clock. Your timeline is yours.
As a sex coach for women and couples in Brussels, I see this shame all the time, and I promise you, it’s unnecessary. Let’s break down why.
Everyone’s Timeline Is Different
Some people have their first sexual experiences as teens. Others in their twenties, thirties, forties, or later. There’s no “right” schedule. Your timeline is yours, and that’s valid.
Starting Later Can Be a Strength
If you started later, you might carry shame. But often, there are huge benefits:
Better communication skills
Clearer boundaries
More emotional maturity
A stronger sense of what you want
Greater confidence in choosing partners thoughtfully
In fact, many who waited say their first experiences were more positive because they were ready and intentional.
Why the “Something’s Wrong” Idea Hurts
Believing that late = wrong ignores the complexity of human lives. There are many valid reasons for different timing:
Being shy or introverted
Feeling self-conscious about your body
Focusing on career or education
Not meeting the right person yet
Cultural or religious background
Health or life circumstances
Simply not feeling ready
None of these mean you’re broken. They’re just part of your unique path.
Navigating Mixed Messages
Society is confusing; pushing sex early while also shaming it. No wonder we internalise pressure. Recognising these messages helps you separate outside noise from your authentic readiness.
This is a big focus in my private sex coaching sessions; learning to let go of “shoulds” and trust in your own timing.
Your Story, Your Choice
You’re never obligated to share details about when you started. What matters is:
How you feel now
How you communicate
How you connect with someone today
Some people start early and keep things simple. Others begin later and explore more. Neither determines who you are as a sexual being.
Your worth has nothing to do with when your sexual journey began. What matters is kindness toward yourself, clear communication, and respecting your own boundaries.
If this is something you’d like help with navigating, feel free to book a private session with me where we can discuss your early sexual experiences. But please remember, your timeline is exactly right for you.
