Can’t Reach the Big O? Here’s What Might Really Be Going On
If you’ve ever thought, “Why can’t I orgasm?” you’re definitely not alone. A huge myth I hear all the time is that if you struggle to climax (whether solo or with a partner) it means you’re broken.
That couldn’t be further from the truth.
As a female sex coach for women in Brussels, I work with clients every week who feel frustrated, ashamed, or just stuck when it comes to pleasure. But here’s the good news: orgasms are complicated, not impossible. Let’s break down some of the most common reasons they can feel elusive. While these are the common reasons, this list is non-exhaustive and there can be other moving parts, whether anatomical or mental.
Myth #1: “If I can’t orgasm, something’s wrong with my body.”
Reality: Most of the time, the body isn’t the problem. It’s often about awareness, relaxation, and removing pressure.
Many women don’t fully know what their body responds to, and that’s okay. Learning is part of the process.
Past shame or guilt around pleasure can get in the way. This is where mindful sexuality coaching or gentle exploration can help.
Myth #2: “If I can orgasm alone, I should be able to with a partner.”
Reality: What works when you’re solo doesn’t always translate to partnered sex.
Communication is key, but asking for what you want can feel scary.
Trust, relationship dynamics, and even body confidence play a role.
Sometimes low desire or anxiety sneaks in, yes, and help with low libido is something many women seek support for.
Myth #3: “I’m too old to enjoy sex or orgasm.”
Reality: Desire and pleasure change with age, but they don’t disappear.
Menopause may bring challenges, like dryness or shifts in libido, but menopause sex coaching is all about finding new pathways to intimacy.
Many women over 40 discover fresh ways of connecting with their bodies, sometimes for the first time. If you’ve ever wondered “how can I feel sexy again after menopause?” The answer is: by exploring what works for you right now, not what used to.
Myth #4: “Pleasure is selfish.”
Reality: Pleasure is essential, not selfish. Knowing what feels good makes intimacy richer for you and your partner.
Think of it as body confidence coaching, a way of stepping back into your own skin.
Exploring your pleasure can even strengthen connection, communication, and trust.
So, what if orgasms have been hard to reach? Instead of blaming yourself, start getting curious. Instead you can ask; What do I enjoy? Where do I like to be touched? How can I enjoy intimacy without guilt?
Your pleasure matters. Whether you explore through sex coaching or simply begin with solo self-discovery, remember: struggling to orgasm doesn’t make you broken. It makes you human.
